EVERYLIFE - Relationships
by Barbara Taylor
My husband Phil and I have been married for twenty six years; not that long for some of you, an eternity for others. I remember our first date and I remember our first kiss. (They weren't on the same day, incidentally) I clearly remember our wedding day. It was all so relaxed, so joyous and so easy for both of us, no nerves at all.
Twenty six years on and my marriage to Phil is the most precious relationship I have. I love him dearly. But a solid marriage hasn't materialised out of nowhere. My Fairy Godmother wasn't at our wedding gleefully waving her magic wand over us and pronouncing, "Live happily ever after." It's taken deliberate and pro-active choices and decisions and a lot of growing up on my part.
Relationships are at the foundation of every home. One of my favourite life Scriptures is Proverbs 14:1 (NIV) "A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Here the Bible clearly states that a wise woman, a woman who knows how to live a Godly life well, will build her home. She builds her home by building her relationships, particularly her marriage.
There are many Biblical principles that build a marriage, including love, forgiveness, respect and faithfulness. Actually it's an extensive list and because each marriage is unique, formed by the uniqueness of each individual, these principles will find expression in a variety of distinctive ways. I would like to share with you three ways that I have learnt over the years to build my marriage and thus build my home.
Prayer:
Since the early days of our marriage I have prayed for Phil. I try not to pray generic "bless him" prayers, but in my prayer times I ask God to show me how to pray for him. God usually gives me a scripture that He wants me to speak into Phil's life. Sometimes I prophesy in my prayers something I believe God wants to impart into Phil. Sometimes it's warfare! I have my sword in my hand poised to fight. The key for me is praying God directed prayers.
Commitment:
Remember your wedding day. You looked so exquisite as you walked down the aisle. You only had eyes for that gorgeous man waiting for you at the altar. You made promises to each other and to God that day. Precious and eternal promises.
Phil and I revisit those promises; we revisit our commitment to each other. We often promise to be faithful to each other. We've made promises to our children about our commitment to each other. There's no back door of escape in our marriage, we can only move forward with each other.
Grace:
You probably couldn't get two people any more different than Phil and me. We have very different personalities, love languages, giftings and interests. For example, Phil is the ultimate waterman; he's either in it, under it, on it, around it or throwing something into it. He's incredibly physical, his energy and activity exhausts a lesser mortal like myself. Me, let me melt into a big comfy chair in a sunny spot with a vista that takes my breath away. Give me a good book - well, any book really - and a cup of tea and I'm satisfied.
God has created us so individually and has taught me to appreciate, encourage and celebrate our differences rather than try to change Phil into who I want him to be. I've learnt to release Phil to express who God has made him, to be conformed to God's image. Phil is built by God for God, complete with his interests, personality likes and dislikes. It's all part of the package that makes up Phil.
So I encourage and challenge you, after reading this article, to sit down and ask yourself the question, "what am I doing to build my home?" Get together with your friends and talk about it. If your marriage is in difficulty, go to your leader or pastor for guidance and support. It's my dream to see the House of God full of happy, loving, solid marriages and, as we choose to build rather than to tear down, that is something we can all work towards together.
